To my one, maybe tens, maybe hundreds or maybe thousands of readers.
I can’t say that I have any experience as a blogger. 15 days ago I would have said blogging has no place in my life. That has all changed. With this being my first post, I thought it best to very briefly introduce myself and maybe explain what my blogging will be all about.
I am 30 years old and Leah and I have been married for almost four years. We have been together for about six years. I graduated from college last year and have been working full time for many years. I have made my fair share of mistakes in life both with and without her. There is so much history between her and I on top of my own personal history that all plays a part in the bigger picture of what I have felt since we lost Ava. There are so many emotions that flow in and out of my mind since July 8.
I am going to talk about anything and everything related to my journey through losing my daughter. Just typing the words “losing my daughter” is the impossible becoming reality to me. I know there is no rule book on how to deal with this and there is nothing that anyone can ever do to take this pain away. I know it will be hard and I know that there will not be a day in my life that I will come to forget my precious Aveline.
There are a couple of things that I feel are important to mention. First, I in no way have any part in anything Leah wants to write. I don’t know that I will necessarily read everything that she writes. I want her to write freely about anything and everything she feels, including things she feels about me. If she is angry with me I want her to write it. It’s that simple. This brings me to my second of two things to mention. I know that her and I are going to grieve the loss of Ava differently. She will experience things differently than I will. I do firmly believe some of it has to do with the fact that she is a woman and I am a man but it is also because our experience and the emotions attached are different. My wife carried our daughter. I know she was bonded to her in a way that I probably will never fully understand.
I hope that I can help men and women alike by sharing my experience. For those of you who are visiting that have lost a child as we have no matter your circumstances, I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain.