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May 31, 2017

May 31, 2017

I have been thinking a lot lately about this blog. I got this notification in my email a while ago that said I would have to renew this domain or whatever you might call it in the next 60 days. This only led me to think about how astonishing it is that it has been almost a year since Ava passed away. I can look back over these blog posts that I have written and I can very clearly remember…

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February 3, 2017

February 3, 2017

Writing has become more and more difficult as time has went on. I don’t think about writing even close to daily anymore. When I choose to write I feel like there are basically two paths I can go down. I can either go down the path of talking about the unpleasantness of Ava not being in my life and everything that has come along with that, or I can choose the path of hope. Hope usually inspires others and it…

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“You’re so strong.”

“You’re so strong.”

“You’re so strong.” “How do you do it? How do you keep a good attitude when your child died?” “How can you even smile, or laugh, or have hope?” “You’re so brave. I couldn’t handle losing my child.” I know these word and questions are meant with love. I know they’re meant to build me up. I know you’re just trying to let me know that you’re proud of me. But friends, sometimes these words crush my heart. These words and these…

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Spinning Tires

Spinning Tires

It’s currently 4:24am and it’s one of those nights when I just can’t seem to fall asleep. My mind begins racing each time I close my eyes. Most of these thoughts are flashbacks, and not of the pleasant kind. They’re the memories that I try hardest not to fall into during the day because if I do, it’s hard to function. The feelings provoked by certain recollections about losing Ava are ones I couldn’t explain regardless of how hard I…

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Grieving and Grateful

Grieving and Grateful

Thanksgiving should be a time to reflect on all of the blessings that the past year has brought, and to be honest I really have to stop and dig deep to remember the things I have to be thankful for. To put it bluntly, I feel like life stabbed a knife in our hearts this past July and has been slowly twisting it ever since. It’s been one thing after another, after another, after another. But I’m learning that while…

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November 21, 2016

November 21, 2016

When we first started this blog, I thought this would be something that I would write in on a daily basis. This has obviously proven to not be the case. Grief changes with time. Looking back at what I have written and how I have felt I am surprised what has changed and how I have felt. What has remained true through time is how I have felt about Ava and how much she has been such a prominent part…

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Wishing Away The Holidays

Wishing Away The Holidays

We got our first taste of what holidays are going to be like without Ava on Halloween yesterday. I really didn’t think Halloween would bother me too much since I’ve never been a big fan of the holiday anyway. My goal over the last month has just been to get through October 25th; Ava’s due date. Part of me believed that once I was past the day she should have been born that a small weight would be lifted off…

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October 16, 2016

October 16, 2016

I made it through a few days of writing the “capture your grief” blog. Then I didn’t feel like it anymore. Today is merely a window in time so it can’t be the way that I will look at things forever. I may even feel differently tomorrow. Who knows. In the last few months I don’t know that I have felt more isolated than today. I remember believing that couples who don’t survive the loss of a child end up…

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Leah’s “Capture Your Grief: Day 6. Empathy”

Leah’s “Capture Your Grief: Day 6. Empathy”

empathy   : the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else’s feelings (taken from www.merriam-webster.com) This one is going to be a hard one for me, because I tend to focus on the things people say or do that aren’t empathetic as opposed to what empathy actually looks like to me. I’m going to try my best to focus on the latter in this post. Empathy from others can…

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Ryan’s Capture Your Grief – Day 6. Empathy

Ryan’s Capture Your Grief – Day 6. Empathy

Empathy is an emotion that I have struggled with in life. Sometimes I can’t always connect to another person’s pain so it can be difficult to know what to do. I didn’t expect to be on the other side of something so traumatic where I am the one struggling and everyone else is left trying to figure out what to do. I won’t really write a lot about this because some of it has already been mentioned before. When everything…

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